T.A. Michaels

I started the new job about three weeks back. The training scheduled has been good. The first week was mainly policies and trainings. The Second week was shadowing with my team members. And last week was me being shadowed while another Engineer monitored. I believe I have at least 1 to 2 more weeks of that... then I'll be off and running on my own until I adjust for to my actual position. I've had two onsite engagements so far with my direct coworker. And I have several more lined up over the next two weeks. Overall, I'm happy about the position. It's lead to a mindset shift for both me and my wife.  Over the past couple of weeks we've been more engaged in our marriage and shared goals. I'm optimistic about the future. And I'm looking forward to the next few months. 

Recently, I got a new job. When i went to put in my two weeks at my existing job management indicated that I didn't have to come in and could be discharged early if i wanted. So i said ok. I've had about 2 weeks off by this point and I start my new job on Monday the 28th. I'm looking forward to it.  While I've been off, I've been tending to things around the house and becoming more active. I've been able to go to the gym virtually any time i want... and the wife and I even took up Basketball today. I'm hoping that i can spend this fall / winter / spring getting my physical health in order while at the same time advancing my career. I am also working on Quitting smoking. Today is day 3 of 56 in the program. I'm expecting my sense of smell to improve sometime in the next 24 hours. Usually it kicks in between day 3 and day 5. It usually comes on suddenly and without warning. All of a sudden the smells of the room I'm in are overly amplified. Which can h...

 Yesterday went out like a bang. I ended up smoking nearly two packs of cigarettes yesterday which is a bit harder than one might think. Especially when smoking Marlboro's. I found that by midway through the second pack i found that i was nearly dying for oxygen. Which is tough when your standing up and walking around nearly the entire time. The second pack of cigarettes literally made me feel like I was dying. When i got home last night after smoking the full second pack... I found that laying on the couch, I had more than enough mucus in my throat to choke me and the sounds of breathing were not fun. In order to calm down... I put on a movie and watched about an hour of it. The Justice League - Justice is Grey... I've never watched it before and figured a 4 hour movie would be good to dive the senses into. After an hour or so... Katie wanted me to come to bed so that's ultimately what I did.  When i woke up this morning... the craving for a cigarette was fairly strong. I ...

 November 12th, I'll make 2 years sober. In November 2022, just shortly after Katie and I had gotten married, I had decided it was in both mine and her best interest for me to quit drinking. Katie was starting to believe that I was an alcoholic but I didn't want to believe it for myself. I had abruptly quit... I didn't tell her or really anyone else for that matter. A person i met at the bar who had been in AA for nearly 20 years indicated that he would go to a meeting for me. We went... and the story from the person making 1 year had really struck a nerve. A man who nearly lost everything until he quit drinking and got his life together. The story nearly brought me to tears. On the way out... when walking back to my car the friend who had brought me told me that if i drink again... the "Guilt" would get to me. Since then... I've only had two beers. One was about 6 months in where i was out listening to music and the bar tender had given me a drink by accident...

Recently, Life has been good overall. Last week, I ended up accepting a position at a new company and I start on the 28th. Additionally, last Friday was our second anniversary. This coming Thursday and Friday we are heading up to MA for a couple of days to enjoy ourselves for a few days. Our cat's are doing well and the apartment is in order. The news on TV though, that leaves much to be desired. It seems like the sum of all fears is on our doorstep and any day now the air raid sirens are going to be blaring in the streets. The US and NATO fighting a proxy war with Russia through Ukraine, and Israel starting their own war on terror... between the two I'm surprised that we aren't having major issues here in the US. Protests on college campuses have died down dramatically, however i did hear that there was a sit-in at the New York Stock Exchange today to protest the war in Gaza. Really the US has it's hands full. And the best thing that America could do right now is not e...

 This year had basically been chaotic for me. Between Me losing and getting a new job to Katie going out on TDI and quitting her job. The only thing that really stayed constant was the apartment. Nothing wrong with that I suppose.   In Recent developments... I got my teeth and eyes checked out for the first time in about 10 years. I didn't have any cavities (Which pissed off Katie). But I did require a root and scaling procedure. As for My vision.. I could have probably spent 10 dollars on readers rather than going with the prescription... But I at least know why my eyes are as bad as they are. Apparently when I was a kid... I was suppose to wear an eye patch to correct a lazy eye. But it never happened because the doctors back then thought that I needed glasses which I never really ended up wearing. Well... hear I am 30 years later and I need glasses. I'm not bitching about it... I'm just making a general observation. I recently heard about age spurts.. basically at 2 dist...

 While the medication can be good for some, I noticed a stark difference in my thought patterns after the 5 day mark. I had actually gone as long as nine days on the medication but i found that day 8 did not start with a resolving throwing the pack away and moving on into the future with resolve and courage. In fact, it was quite the opposite. By the end of day 8 I had resolved pretty negatively that I was better off dead. The negative attitude i was developing was interfering with my job, and my marriage. I would honestly advise anyone who has Schizoaffective disorder, Bi-Polar type, to stay clear of Chantix as a smoking cessation medication. About three days after coming off the medication i did notice a shift in thinking in a new direction though. I wouldn't say that it reset my thought patterns, but it actually gave me a new hopes and ideas.  I correlated that my good morning habits in years past wasn't due to not being on the medication or working third shift.... It was a...

 I'm ready to quit. Tomorrow is my quit date. And I'm ready. I'm not sure what type of withdrawals I'll experience tomorrow. But i can tell you that i am going to do my best to fight through them. Overall it was a good weekend. Katie wasn't feeling the best the yesterday... but i still enjoyed the time spent with her. My weekend obsession was Playstation backbone. But i found that it wouldn't be worth while.  This week at work should be good. I'm hoping that the week goes by quick. I'm about to take my pills... and get ready for bed.  That's all for now.

 Today was a good day overall. I had probably about 15 cigarettes... but i knew yesterday that i was going to be seeing a spike due to a large amount of driving that I had to do today. The doctors went well... and i managed to get my blood work done at the same time. Other than a possible minor infection... nothing really to worry about.  Work went by fairly quickly and when i got home we had Jersey Mikes for dinner. I suggested we go to the beach this evening and Katie was into it so we went down to Charlestown and caught the sunset. On the way back we stopped at the new Shake Shack and grabbed a couple of shakes. Now we are home and Katie just went to bed. It's about 10:10pm (2 hours later than my normal writing this week. This weekend we have a lot going on. Tomorrow morning we are taking Ash and Matchy to get their nails trimmed... Then relaxing for the majority of the afternoon. I don't have anything planned really... and i don't think Katie does either... but tomorrow...

 Today... was a good day. I've had 11 cigarettes overall and i'm likely going to be having one more before i go to sleep. Due to things i was thinking about through out the day today... I found the urge to smoke was slightly higher than it was yesterday. Ending the day at 11 cigarettes is still a win though. Often times on Thursday nights I end up chain smoking most of the evening and i have between 20 and 30 cigarettes. So... for me to break the habit and only have 11 (Maybe 12) is a win for me. It actually makes me think that tomorrow morning i wont be chain smoking while i'm driving around everywhere. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. And I also have to go to a client site afterwards. It makes for a lot of time in the car and for someone who was notorious for smoking 3 cigarettes every time i drove 30 minutes... i dread the self consciousness of walking into a sterile building knowing that a smell like smoke even though i can't smell myself. My quit date...

 Today I made my goal. When i had ended the night last night, i had 10 Cigarettes left in my pack. And i thought to myself, that today (7/17/2024) I will only smoke the 10 cigarettes. And that's what i did. Over three days I have reduced from 16 cigarettes per day, down to 10 cigarettes per day. Tomorrow - I am hoping to smoke less than 7.  The third day of .5mg has fewer side effects than day one. I took my pills at around7:45PM this evening and never noticed any side effects. Last night i still woke up twice as a result of needing to use the bathroom, and then once when the cats were trying to wake me up. It's about time for rest... That's what i'm gonna do. Overall today was a good day.

 It's just about the same time as last night. 7:55 PM and I just took my medication. Last night's sleep wasn't really great. I went to bed at nine and woke up 3 times, about every 2-3 hours. The first time i had to go to the bathroom. It's becoming a habit lately and I'm not sure why. But i have a Physical at the end of the week so i can bring that up. The dreams overnight were unusual. I barely remember them now but i just had an image of dark clouds at night. I was advised that the dreams can become a bit weird but on night one i wasn't really expecting a change.  Waking up several times throughout the night did leave me feeling unrested when my alarm finally went off at 6:00 AM. It's unfortunately been like this for several months. I'd say 6 months or maybe nine months. I generally stems from our cats. Ash and Matchy wake up every morning around 4:00 AM and they start banging on things to try and get us awake to feed them. We tried Dry Food... a Gravi...

 Today I filled a prescription for Chantix. I've been advised for years to avoid the medication due to my underlying mental health disorder and the potential side effects of the medication. The last time I spoke with my Medication Manager, Nicole... it was finally time to take the risk and try it. According to the pamphlet that came with it... It's 3 days on .5 milligrams, then .5 every morning and night for 12-24 weeks. My insurance doesn't cover it. But at $95 dollars for a one month supply... it is dramatically cheaper than continuing to smoke cigarettes for 24 weeks. With that said i am hoping that the 12 weeks is enough for me to quit for good. It's a little after 8:00 PM here in New England and i took my normal dose of pills... along with the Chantix just before 8:00 PM. What i can tell you is that the immediate side effects is a bit of light headedness. While this isn't cause for too much concern... the question will be how it will effect me if i were to take...

 It's Sunday on the East Coast of the USA. Today has been a good day so far. Kat and I went to Walmart to pick up some things for her. I didn't get much. Just Tooth Paste and Hair Dye for the beard. We also got some stuff for the cats. A couple of Catnip toys and a new bed for them. I hope they use the bed otherwise it was a waste of $40 bucks. Since we got home The focus was on Doing Laundry and cleaning. I ended up buying a USB 3.0 HDD Dock. I swapped cases for the parts last week and I ended up with a Few HDDs that i couldn't mount in the case. So... a USB Dock is the way to go.  Later today we are going food shopping (2+ hours). I gotta figure out semi healthy meals for the next week or so. It's really a toss up between quick and easy and healthy. But considering i didn't cook dinner at all last week and basically lived off fast food... i gotta make the change today to try and get better. What i really need to do is start working on a Keto Diet for not only my m...

 American freedom and Liberties are under constant attack from within the country. Some people believe that we should take a more conservative approach to freedom. Freedom as long as it falls within the laws and rituals of the American Bible. I'm not talking about the Latin Bible or the King James Bible. But rather instead the most modernized bastardized version of the bible. The one that suits the will of angry old men and women that fear change. As much as i would love a 1800's marriage to my wife where she is completely subservant of me and her only job is to push out babies and clean the homestead. Personally... i believe in Women's rights. As well as the rights and liberties of every american. I never fought for our freedom... But if this country is about to fall into the realm of Conservative Corporate Rule... then sign me up for whatever military branch that will accept me and attempt to fight the Overlord or dictator that is attempting to rule america. End Rant.

Things are interesting. To say the least.. 

No one likes me anyways... and I always fuck shit up... so I might as well start looking at plots

 For as many people that piss on today as a holiday... It really does serve purpose. Memorial day is meant to be a day of remembrance for those fallen in battle defending our country. Anyone that likes a good cookout to kick off the summer, should thank a Veteran for their service. War isn't pretty. Dying in war is even worse. But, America has remained a free country for over 200 years now thanks the brave men (and women) who have fought for the citizens of our country. I may not agree with all of the wars we have faced as a nation... but that doesn't mean i wouldn't buy a Veteran a beer if i met him/her at a local bar. Both of my grandfathers were WW2 Veterans. Both survived and went on to raise families and lead a normal life. They are who I'm thinking of this Memorial Day.

This is going to be tough. Things are not well and they are not really going to be well for several months. Katie is sick. Both mentally and physically. And I'm sick... both mentally and physically. It's going to take a lot to get through the next 6 months without losing our apartment. Without our health failing. And without losing our sanity. My normally optimist mentality is giving way to pessimistic thoughts. It's week two of the new job. And I'm wondering still how much I'm getting paid. It's a pay cut for sure... by almost 20k. If Katie goes out of work for an extended period of time... we're not gonna make it. Also I think I'm having issues with my gallbladder. That's what the doctor said a week before I got hired. I'm having pains come and go on my side depending on what I eat. But we can't afford for me to be out of work for 6 weeks. I'd rather fight through it and hopefully not die... than lose our apartment and have to move in w...

Overall it's been a good weekend. I don't really have any complaints to speak of. While our financial situation could be better, I'm finding that working on the less is more principle is actually pretty good. I have paying work today. Outside of the day job and Uber. Also I started with Stickr.co so that should bring in a couple of extra dollars a month. Passive income is what they call it. And when I've been seeing articles about people making 10,000 a month in passive income... $100 is 1% of the way there. I do plan on publishing my book about my psychotic episodes. I figure that a first had account on the topic is better than what people have read in the news and media. Aside from A Beatiful Mind... schizophrenic people are often looked at negatively. More so a Tyler Durdan type than a "Here's Johnny" myself. I feel my first hand account of what took place can show what it's like living with the disorder... and what dangers an episode actually consi...

 4 Years... 4 Years ago i was driving with Katie to go rescue two 4 week old kittens. They were in a friends driveway drinking out of a puddle for 2 days. Overnight between the 3rd and the 4th... a third kitten had died... and when i was told this... I knew what had to be done. 4 years later Brother's Ash and Matcha live comfortably with their adoptive rescue parents. I think at times they would like a little more food... and maybe have their litter box better taken care of... But every night without fail. They join Katie and Myself on our bed for a few hours of sleep. These two kitties helped me when i was struggling. And gave me a sense of purpose beyond myself when i was struggling to have one. Thanks Ash and Matchy... You guys helped heal a disabled person just by existing.

 So... this week i am supposed to go for blood work before starting my new medication. I'm somewhat worried about the new medication because it could literally kill me in so many ways. I'd hate for my life to end simply because i couldn't go to the bathroom but that is one of the potential risks of the medication. Also... Another potential risk of the medication is that i get a cold and that kills me. It's going to require weekly blood work for the next six months... as well as weekly doctors visits to get a gauge of whether or not the medication is working. On the flip side... I've heard wonderful things in terms of Schizoaffective Disorder and the Keto diet. There's a youtuber who indicated that after three months on the Keto diet... symptoms dropped dramatically. So I'm debating on changing my diet and see if it's helpful... Or... going on the new medication. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday at 9am where i am going to make the final decisio...

 Today is a good day. I am waiting for Katie to go to work so i can head down to my parents and bring my sister and her husband up to Logan. Katie leaves in about an hour so i have some time to kill. This past weekend was good. Overall, it was nice to have my sister in town. We hung out 2 out off the 3 days she was here. It's interesting being a DD. Generally when i go out... I go out alone so I'm the only one in charge of me. With that said, Having someone to hang out with instead of going out alone adds an interesting Dynamic to everything. While the paranoid thoughts associated with going out didn't diminish, they actually seemed somewhat amplified by the fact that i was now in charge of two other people's safety. Overall... it was a good time though. I got my first unemployment check. Considering its an income source (small... but still an income). What it does is reinforce the fact that I have to start driving for Uber as soon as i get my car back from the Auto Bod...

 So... Recently I became unemployed. It came somewhat as a surprise. Back on March 4th, I had been rear-ended when driving home from Providence. It causes a few days of pain and I ended up working from home for about a week. Once I picked up the rental, I had returned to the office and during my weekly One on One... I had been told i was being put onto a PIP rather than the normal weekly check in. By the end of the week I was let go.  While my immediate thought process was anger and sadness. Basically having been termed for the second time in my 21 year career.... I have been spending this time to figure out exactly what i want to do. Once i get my car back from the Auto Repair Shop... i think i am going to drive for Uber full time. Uber full time would allow me a schedule that is built around my own schedule. So that rather than me having to get up at 6am or 7am to be at work for 8am and work 9 straight hours...  I'll be able to sleep / wake when i want. And spend the ti...

 Is it though? Today, Katie got paid. So the first thing i did this morning was go to the bank and swap money around. I think my new budgeting system is going to work out well to be honest. Instead of putting all of the money into one joint account where we take all of our expenses from, I've setup our budget so that Each pay period - Some money is allocated towards the joint account - and Some money is allocated to our personal accounts. I feel this is a good strategy because we both have to live within our means based on the personal accounts. Once our personal accounts are empty... that's it. No more spending. My personal account is responsible for savings. Basically - 2/3 of what I'm saving ends up going into either investments (Stock market, physical assets, or Crypto). and that leaves me with just enough to Spend on Gas and coffee for the two weeks in between pay checks. This week I am going to start back up with Uber Driving on Friday and Saturday Nights. Katie's...

 Today i weighed in at 240lbs.  Which, is perfect for my Fitness goals for 2024. My goal is to lose an average of 1lb per week over the course of the next 52 weeks. Meaning that by December 31st 2024, i should weigh in at 188lbs. I'm about 5'8 (5'9 with boots!). And based on my height i should be at 162lbs or lower to be a "Healthy" weight based on my BMI. With that said... i dont really give a damn about my BMI. What I'm looking for is a weight where i feel happy and healthy. I believe that 192-196lbs is the threshold between "Overweight" and "Obese" for my height. So if i can cross the "Overweight" threshold limit by the end of 2024 I will be very happy. I haven't been below 200lbs since 2018. I was working third shift at the time and my coworkers would often order either pizza or sandwiches during the night. Plus my level of physical activity had slowed down dramatically. The closest i got back to 200lbs was in January 2020...