Ending A Bad Week To Start A New Week

 This past week i struggled quite a bit. I don't know if its a matter of depression or inability to focus... but according to my doctor, it all leads to Smoking Cigarettes. Basically my repeated attempts at quitting smoking have left my system in shock. While I do nicotine replacement therapy (The Patch), I find it that my mood has been fluctuating more than normal these past few weeks. It could be circumstantial, basically a mix of fears and worries over things that I have no control over... Or it could be that the "need" to quit is throwing me into some sort of existential identity Crisis which is taking over my mood. Yesterday I played video games for the first time in a while. It actually went quite well. Both Computer games and Video games were fun to play. While I didnt really start playing until almost 8pm... I was able to complete two missions over the course of four hours.

I will be attempting to create a schedule for myself for monday and tuesday nights. My sister is in from Colorado and this coming Tuesday her & her husband, and my parents are all going out to dinner so i may join them. But for tomorrow night.. i have to think of something productive that i can do that wont cause any issues. I know what i DON'T want to do. And with the million possible things i could do.. I need to just pick one and run with it for the night. Ideally i want to get into a routine for Monday and Tuesday nights that doesnt revolve around spending money.

Options include:

Going to the gym
Studying for Exams
Playing Video Games
Reading
Cleaning the house
Doing Laundry
LiveStreaming (Social media)
Going for a Walk around the neighborhood
Researching New technology / products
Working on my Website
Working on starting my own business

Basically... anything that keeps me from spending money... Smoking cigarettes... or having to much downtime. The problem i found is that downtime... leads to overthinking... Overthinking leads to anxiety and depression... anxiety and depression lead to relapse in terms of spending and smoking... and then that creates dispair and hopelessness... and that leads to anger... and that as we all know leads to the dark side.

All jokes aside. Things will turn around soon. It's just going to take a bit of time.

As i once heard in my head for no reason: "It feels like home in year 3" - Well This is the third year we've lived at our apartment... And for someone that moved virtually every year since he was 20... I'm feeling like our home.... even though its not the biggest and i feel like the neighbors are against me... really is starting to feel like home.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A couple of weeks to reset.

Recently, I got a new job. When i went to put in my two weeks at my existing job management indicated that I didn't have to come in and could be discharged early if i wanted. So i said ok. I've had about 2 weeks off by this point and I start my new job on Monday the 28th. I'm looking forward to it.  While I've been off, I've been tending to things around the house and becoming more active. I've been able to go to the gym virtually any time i want... and the wife and I even took up Basketball today. I'm hoping that i can spend this fall / winter / spring getting my physical health in order while at the same time advancing my career. I am also working on Quitting smoking. Today is day 3 of 56 in the program. I'm expecting my sense of smell to improve sometime in the next 24 hours. Usually it kicks in between day 3 and day 5. It usually comes on suddenly and without warning. All of a sudden the smells of the room I'm in are overly amplified. Which can h...
Read more

Why I'm no longer on Chantix

 While the medication can be good for some, I noticed a stark difference in my thought patterns after the 5 day mark. I had actually gone as long as nine days on the medication but i found that day 8 did not start with a resolving throwing the pack away and moving on into the future with resolve and courage. In fact, it was quite the opposite. By the end of day 8 I had resolved pretty negatively that I was better off dead. The negative attitude i was developing was interfering with my job, and my marriage. I would honestly advise anyone who has Schizoaffective disorder, Bi-Polar type, to stay clear of Chantix as a smoking cessation medication. About three days after coming off the medication i did notice a shift in thinking in a new direction though. I wouldn't say that it reset my thought patterns, but it actually gave me a new hopes and ideas.  I correlated that my good morning habits in years past wasn't due to not being on the medication or working third shift.... It was a...
Read more

The last few days of August.

 This year had basically been chaotic for me. Between Me losing and getting a new job to Katie going out on TDI and quitting her job. The only thing that really stayed constant was the apartment. Nothing wrong with that I suppose.   In Recent developments... I got my teeth and eyes checked out for the first time in about 10 years. I didn't have any cavities (Which pissed off Katie). But I did require a root and scaling procedure. As for My vision.. I could have probably spent 10 dollars on readers rather than going with the prescription... But I at least know why my eyes are as bad as they are. Apparently when I was a kid... I was suppose to wear an eye patch to correct a lazy eye. But it never happened because the doctors back then thought that I needed glasses which I never really ended up wearing. Well... hear I am 30 years later and I need glasses. I'm not bitching about it... I'm just making a general observation. I recently heard about age spurts.. basically at 2 dist...
Read more