Sleeping Kitties

So, I think i may have found a way to make this easier. It's going to a take a bit of getting used to. But, in theory, it should may my entries more productive and a bit easier to write. I forget sometimes that we live in the year 2023 and there are plenty of options available when it comes to expressing our thoughts. First the hammer and chissle.. then the quill and ink... then the pen and pencil... and ultimately the keyboard. But the keyboard comes in different options. 

Today has been good so far. This morning was productive. Katie and I went for a walk which is something we really hadnt done since the spring. Then when we got back we had lunch and watched an episode of Black Mirror. It was a unique episode to say the least. With Black Mirror, they usually are though. Now... im working on getting motivated for the coming week. Even though it's "The weekend" and by most holy religions its a rest day... our society doesnt work that way and by all rights neither should I. There's three main tasks that i need to accomplish for work for Monday morning. And I have a bit of downtime now so i feel like i should work on accomplishing them. I am free until 6pm... and if i can get all three down by then... it will give me time to relax with Katie and not have to feel rushed before at the end of the night.

I think that I want to start keeping track of my mood. What i mean by that is start tracking the highs and lows of my day. Being Schizoaffective I have noticed that its incredibly easy for me to go from one thought to the next and end up down a spiral that can last for hours or days at a time... generally with no ryhme or reason.  One minute i'lll be thinking about what I'm going to do tonight... the next minute i'll start thinking about the hopelessness of it all and the fact everything's Fucked. (Even if it isn't). 

I did make good on my promise to Change before the second half of the year. Before noon today i put on a Nicotine patch and have been going strong ever since. I have one left a home and a few at work (Step 1 patches). 28 days from now i move on to step two... but really i need to take this whole process one day at a time. A rehab clinic wouldnt say after the first day "You're cured" and send you home. There will be several changes to my lifestyle that i need to make in order for it to be successful. For example, staying in on days when Katie has to work late. I've found over the last year that i tend to go out on those nights. It's either out of loneliness or boredom... or some combination of the two. It may not even be a matter of "staying in" but rather choosing a different place for where i go to. I.E. Going to the Gym for 90 minutes instead of going to see a band. I know several people who successfully quit smoking just by replacing the habit with going to the gym instead. I do have the membership... and the Gym is open 24 hours... so why not make the switch. 

Now i just feel like im stalling. I'll be expanding on this thought later though.

Take Care,
T.A. Michaels

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