July First & Beyond

Today is June 30th. January first was 179 Days ago. December 31st is 184 days. So technically even though we mark the end of the first 6 months of the year today. We are still less than half way through the year. The half way mark will be July 2nd at 12 noon. I'll try to always remember that. That way, when i attempt to make changes in my life. As long as I make the change by July 1st... It will have been done within the first half of the year.  

As I embark on another life journey tonight, I go into it knowing that there is hope for us. Even though the month of June has had many sad moments for those I care about... I know that this is the cycle of life. And not some twisted sense of fate which is driving those closest to me to sorrow. I've thought about consulting a priest... but to be honest that doesn't fall in line with my "faith." I think in the end... a monk would be a better person to talk to. 

I'll end my crusade against the memories of those who were unjust. I'll end my crusade against those who have damaged the world. Not because they are right... but because I am powerless. One man cannot fight a king and his army.... no matter how large or small that army may be. My pawn will never win against the opponent with all their pieces still on the table. I've played chess enough times to know that's the moment to forfeit. 

Sanity is a delicate balance. While my neighbor screams out his window to "repent" while i think to myself "what do you want me to do?" It either has to be pure coincidence... or pure insanity. While my neighbors talk about the degenerate that lives in my apartments... who gives them creepy looks... they smile to my face... and we barely say a word to each other aside from "hello." These types of paranoid delusions hurt the mind, the destroy the body, and damage the soul. In a town where everyone knows you through social media... dating websites... and word of mouth... the only option is to move to another town - state - country.... but even then... the demons of your past will haunt you from the dark prison of your mind screaming to come into the light.

I had a dream that I could not wake up from this morning. I've never felt so terrified and frustrated. I heard my alarm going off... and at first I wandered a field filled with cars trying to find my alarm... Then when I realized I was asleep.... I couldn't wake out of it. It was extremely vivid. Lucid even. I never want to be in a dream that I can't wake up from. Because if it were only a dream... The beauty would wear off... and the reality of the prison would set in. The prison of the mind is one of the worst places to be trapped. Especially when your thoughts are screaming to be set free. 

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