Intrusive Thoughts

 It's tough at the moment for me. I have a series of Intrusive Thoughts which enter my head on a daily basis. These thoughts are mainly from other voices which are calling me some rather bad things. Things you wouldn't want to be associated with in everyday life.  It makes it hard for me to maintain a positive attitude a lot of the time. These thoughts are not something I wish to be associated with. And what's worse... is that twice now the thoughts have manifested into reality in the sense that someone i know will point blank ask me if i am what my internal voices accuse me to be. Needless to say I am having issues with it. In the last few days I've become increasingly agitated. 

While i know i have resources available that can assist me with this type of issue... The fact that i cant get my thoughts under control is something i am not happy about. For instance after a burst of energy this morning i became increasingly upset. Even now i feel frustrated with no probable cause. I dont know if its the supplements i am taking... or if im in fact fed up with my situation. 

What's worse is the fact that i'm going in between sad and angry. It's not easy for me to vocalize my emotions... it really never has been. But the fact that im going from sad to angry makes me think that i'm going to say or do something to the wrong person at the wrong time and end up in a much worse off situation than i am in now. I just wish i knew how to make the voices stop. And aside from Increasing my medications with my doctors approval i dont see i way to counteract this. How do i live a life that im not going to mad about... or sad about... when by all rights and standards the average person would feel content with what i have. Hell... they might even be more than content.


I just dont want to fuck up what i have... and im worried that if i dont get my thoughts under control... then i might end up doing just that.

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