T.A. Michaels

 While I originally intended to have this Blog to track my daily symptoms of my Mental disorder, I have found that the symptoms are no longer as bad as they once were. I am happy to report that my SchizoAffective symptoms are in remission. For how long... i dont know. But i can say that my medication is currently effective. Stress levels in my life have been managed successfully. Therapy is no longer a crisis issue but more so a general maintenance. And that my medication management appointments are now once every three months or so.  Over the course of the next few months i plan on aligning myself towards a greater purpose. Not only will i be looking to improve my mental /  physical / financial / Spiritual health... I'll be working towards creating greater bonds with those in my immediate sphere of influence. and Also working towards expanding my sphere of influence in a healthy way. I'll be working towards giving back to those in my immediate environment. As well as wor...

 It sure was an interesting Summer. I kinda went off and did my own thing for the majority of it. While I was obviously still with my Fiancé, The last few months or so were me reflecting on what i do... why i do it... and what i want to put behind me. I'm changing my focus soon. I'm thinking more in terms of we rather than I. Like.. we are paying our debt. We are getting in shape... are we happy? What would help us in the future? The future.... will have the answers.

 So, I failed my Exam yesterday. I was a bit butt hurt about it but to be honest I did better than the first time I took the exam so I guess I should be happy. I am going to plan a retake for sometime in May. I need to review the material on the Microsoft Website again to get a better grasp on the areas that I am having an issue with. I believe they would have the latest course material. Or at least I hope they should.  My Mental health is improving. With the increase in risperidone I am find that I am not having the Auditory issues that I was experiencing previously... however i do have an unusual side effect... I'm finding that when I'm moving I'm having unusual mouth movements. These appear to be unconscious as I'm moving my tongue... licking my lips... or moving my jaw in usual ways. This only appears to be while driving.. however last night at Walmart I found myself doing the same thing. I don't know if I need to have my Cogentin increased... Or if It's jus...

 I had a good time this past weekend. Nothing really major to report symptom wise. I saw my parents for Easter.. and overall i have been in a good mood for the past few days. On Friday I met with my med manager who said we should lower the Risperidone due to the uncomfortable mouth movements that i have been experiencing. The drop in medication initially made me anxious which spiked my symptoms but right now it hasn't been that bad. With that said i've been working from home for the last two days so that probably is helping with the transition. Tomorrow its back in the office but i have a 10am start time instead of 7am.  I am helping with coverage of someones shift so that's why im starting that late in the day. While I havent been able to adjust in such a short amount of time, i am hoping that tomorrow morning i get up early and have enough energy to Shower, make breakfast, and maybe catch the news before i head off to work. I need to get out of the habit of staying in bed...

 Over the last few months I haven't been much like myself. Considering that we are two months into summer... and I've agreed to give up my convertible.... It seems like I'm not going in the direction that I wanted to head in. But to be honest it's probably the direction when I'm thinking short vs long term goals.  I recently spoke with my uncle who indicated that short term investing and goals are between 1 and 5 years... Where as long term investing is between 5 and 20+ years. While i would say that over the last 15 years or so, I have mainly been looking to invest in Short term goals... With me getting married in 3 months, it's time for me to start looking at longer term goals. Mainly because I don't want to half ass a new life that I will be starting with my soon to be wife. To the American teenager... a car is that first ounce of freedom. And the nicer the car... the better freedom looks like. But I'm not an American teenager anymore. I'm a grown...

So starts another Exam Prep Station. I received my Comptia Security+ Books yesterday. The Exam Prep book is roughly 600 pages. I am hoping that I can get the book completed by January 2023. And then starting next year I can attempt to pass the exam. It will be interesting to see what tools are done for Mitigation and Analysis of cyber security threats. It's about 8:30am on the east coast and I start my work shift at 10:00am. I got up relatively early this morning in combination to my normal wake up routine. I think working an over night shift Sunday into Monday may have reset my internal clock. So now instead of needing 8-10 hours of sleep... i can do well on between 6 and 8 hours of sleep. I dont know this for certain... as it has only been a day. But it would be nice to think that i can wake up at 7am without a problem.  At 7:45 this morning I had an alarm set to put on a nicotine patch. And that's exactly what i had done. I threw out the remainder of my pack earlier this mor...

 So, The month of May had quite a bit in store for me. At my last one on one with Leadership at work, I was told that I'm getting promoted to Level3 Service Desk Technician, they are just trying to determine the Salary for me before I get bumped up. I am hoping its at least 10% on top of my current salary, but It's entirely possible it will be 5% or as high as 15%. Either way I'd be happy with the outcome. In an effort to resolve my Debt Crisis I am currently in I have decided that the majority of my paycheck will go into Katie's account and I'll have my Bills drawn from there. This will do two things for me. First, Guarantee that the money to cover my debts is always available, And also start building a savings with the excess money that is deposited into her account each month. Anything left over in my name will be my spending cash. I figure I should be on track within 2 months time and then going forward from there it will be all savings.  My symptoms have kind o...

 So I have been busy busy lately. At work i've been putting in 10 hour days. While i am hoping the pay off will be worth it. The told it's taken on me mentally has been a bit tough. I had quit smoking for 6 days at the beginning of the month just to fall right back into it the moment i went back into the office. Currently i'm working remote until the overtime stops.  Mainly because i dont know if i can be in the office for 12 hours straight. Financially things are tight. With the Rising cost of virtually everything it seems like im bleeding through my money faster than usual. My weight has been between 258 and 261.... i seem to be hitting a resistence point at 258 generally because i end up eating like crap the day i hit it and as a result go up a pound or two. I have been walking every day though so that's a good thing.  I'll write more when im feeling better.

 I think i am going to change directions with my blog. Instead of just writing about the highs and lows of daily life like I have been doing for the last year and a half... I am instead going to be picking a topic for each blog post. I figure that either by picking a subject like Books, Science, Technology, Fitness or cars... that i'll be expanding my interests further because i'll have to do research into the topic if i want to actually be successful in my writing. I should have something fun and informative for you next week.

 This morning I woke up from a deep sleep. Then I went down to donate plasma. After not understanding the process I left. Then I went down to my parents. I spent about an hour with them and then came home and took a shower. Then I attempted to donate plasma again. This time the line wasn't as long. I actually got to speak with someone who told me I wasn't eligible to donate plasma due to my medication and medical diagnosis. I'm kinda bummed because the place was offering nearly $800 a month for donations. It's back to the drawing board for me on what ways I can make some extra cash. I'm thinking about starting a VLog because people on YouTube seem to be able to do it and make some extra cash from it. The question really is going to be what am I going to do to make it interesting. Obviously no one wants to hear someone ramble on about mundane shit all day... Otherwise when I tried Google AdSense for this page I would have been accepted. I'll figure it out.

 I don't want to say I'm having a bad day, because I'm not. I just always seem to get myself into trouble when it's not needed. Work today has been tough. I had a hard time getting something accomplished just to find out that it's not our responsibility to fix it. I did do a better job of waking up this morning. I got up by 8:30am instead of pushing it off till the last minute like I've done all week. I still haven't showered yet though. I haven't had the motivation. With any luck I'll be doing that tonight when i get home from walking with Katie. We have both started to lose weight. She's lost more than I have this week. I'm down to 260.4lbs. My lowest since last fall. I'm hoping to break the 260lb threshold by this weekend. It would be nice to see a 5 instead of a 6... even if its only for a few days. I skipped on the gym last night, and instead we went for a walk by the ocean. I'm hoping to hit the gym sometime this coming week. Or...

 263.4lbs. When i think back to 2017... Over the summer of that year i had been as low as 186.2lbs according to My Fitness Pal. While this is by far not my lowest weight. I find it tough to think that only 5 years ago i was nearly 80lbs lighter. Hell... i was 50 pounds lighter in January of 2020. I've instituted a new goal for myself. 1 pound a week for 26 months. That will put me at roughly 160 pounds by Summer 2024. This will mean that I will have to run at a calorie low nearly every day during the week. This will be done either through exercise... or through reducing my food intake.  I think that if i stick to the my fitness pal guide lines for calorie intake... And I can get in 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day... I'll be able to meet my goal.  Therapy this past week was eye opening. I found that i think about 5 primary things all the time. Katie, Friends, Family, Work, and Money.... I don't really leave room for fun. Which... isnt fun. So... going forward i a...

 I'm taking a computer cert tomorrow. So after this I'm going to be doing an exam prep. This will be the second time that I'm taking the exam, so at the very least I know what to expect. The first time I took the exam, I failed by about 4 questions... So I am hoping that I can pass this time. When I met with my boss a few months back, He indicated that once I pass this exam I'll get promoted. So, That's the plan. Pass the exam... Get Promoted.  I other news... I basically lost a friend this weekend. His life is going in an opposite direction of mine... and in order for me to maintain any sort of balance I need to make positive life changes so that means less trying on my part to maintain the friendship. It had become one sided for quite a while now.. So rather than expend any more energy... I'm basically ending the friendship. I'll wait until he contacts me which could be sometime between tomorrow and never... But I'm moving on from it so I don't thi...

 I want to talk about a recent movie that came out. The premise of the story was that an older man who was seeing a therapist regarding his schizophrenia was actually trapped in a dystopian future where machines ruled the world. We all know the movie... but what i want to say about this past sequel was that the concept of a secret universe hiding just behind the curtain, is actually a valid thought process for those of us who are Schizo. When i was at the peak of my illness in 2017... When working nights, i would go around 2 or 3 am to the gas station near my work so i could grab a coffee. One night when walking in... there was a man in a suit who was leaned up against the the cooler doors and as i walked by, he said "we needed you rich." At the time i thought he was someone from the government who had been waiting there for me to walk in at that very time. As i got my coffee and proceeded to leave, the man was still standing there, facing away from me at this point... and i ...

There's only a few days left in March. This year seems like it's flying by already.. and I don't know if I'm keeping up with the pace. I have my goals in place for mid-year. And by getting my thoughts in order I'll hopefully meet two of the three goals by July First. Starting Friday, I am whole heartedly committing to quitting smoking. April first is my quit date and I have all the needed Patches to quit smoking. The trick is going to be finding something to do with my boredom. It may mean a lot more writing here during my downtime.  When I have wanted alone time this past winter, I have resorted to going out to my car and reading articles, Checking my horoscope obsessively... and most of all... Chain Smoking. By no means is it healthy. But its what I have become a custom too. So in order to break this habit... I have to change the trigger... or "Cue." If the cue is me wanting some alone time... then the routine needs to switch from going outside and chain...

 So, I've been in Therapy for over a year now. When I first started I had major trust issues. What I learned was that was mainly due to abandonment issues which had taken place throughout my Childhood. I find it interesting that something so small as being left alone in a casino for a few hours while my family went and gambled.. could have such an impact on me as an adult. To the point where I sabotaged a lot of my adult friendships and relationships as a result. Basically pushing others away because i was afraid that they would one day leave me. And by me pushing them away... I never let them get close enough to truly hurt me. But in the process... I hurt myself. As well as a lot of other people. Mix trust issues with paranoid delusions... and you get someone who has a hard time letting anyone near them... for fear that i will end up being hurt.. and hurting the other person. Through therapy i worked through most of the issues. When i saw my therapist today... we talked about my r...

 I didn't really have a chance to write this past weekend which is why there was no post. So here is a make up post on a Wednesday. Things are actually going decent for midweek. I found I had some issues at the start of the week which I thought were going to last but luckily they faded out. I've been noticing an increase in Auditory issues and Intrusive thoughts while at work over the last few weeks and it was really starting to get the best of me. Last week my doctor had increase my Anti-Psychotic Medication by 1mg and I am finding that it has been somewhat helpful in reducing symptoms however it didn't exactly cure the problem. I struggled on Monday and Tuesday because my paranoia at work is getting the best of me. From a financial standpoint... I don't see how the business can justify as many Technicians they have hired. It makes sense for the busy season but I have seen a marked slow down in incidents over the last week or so and it makes me worry that there will be...

 I did some research this week on why my belly is the way it is. It turns out that I have to much Viscera fat. This is the type of fat that exists in your abdominal cavity and surrounds your internal organs. It's like to Diabetes, Stroke, Cancer, and Heart Disease. Now that I am aware of it... I plan on doing something about it. I found two things which can help to decrease Viscera fat. First, a low carb diet promotes Viscera fat loss as apposed to counting calories or a low fat diet. Second, Vigorous exercise such as Running, Jogging, or Biking. The exercise is supposed to be 3-5 times per week. Strength training exercises are also recommended 2-3 times per week.  So... with all this said. Now i need to make a plan. Thats what im going to be doing today. With me starting as soon as tonight. Or at the least tomorrow. I'll write more later.  T.A. Michaels

 It's a little after 12:15pm. I've over heating to the fullest extent possible. I have all of the windows open in the apartment, hoping that would cool me off but sadly it seems to have had the opposite effect. I don't know if it's because it's raining.. or if its just my body chemistry... But I feel warm in the face, and cold to the touch.  This past week I made a real push to get my time up to the 80% that they are requesting of us. I finished the week at 81% which is good. At a meeting we had last Monday they indicated that the bonus program may be coming back, So that is good incentive for me to complete my tasks and mark all of my time. In reality I should be finishing the week between 90% and 100%. The gaps would be any meetings that i have during the day.  I met with my new med manager on Wednesday. She stated that we had met before but for the life of me I don't remember it. She got my general background information and prescribed me something for Anxiet...

 I'm on track right now to be Smoke free by the end of April. It's been a long road of unsuccessful quit attempts but I feel that the one I am currently on will in fact be successful. I'm currently 2 weeks alcohol free. I hope that I can continue this for the remainder of the year. I have learned to limit my drinking when I do in fact drink, But the negative side effects in the days after drinking are something that I want to stay away from. I find that after a night of drinking I often feel anxious for a period of time after the fact. It also exasperates my Schizoaffective symptoms. I recently reread a book I have on preventing Bi-Polar Relapse. There are a number of strategies in the book and to follow it 100% would mean eliminating a lot of the foods and behaviors that I currently do in order to achieve mental wellness. The "Affective" in Schizoaffective is basically Bi-Polar disorder so I figure if I can prevent a mood episode it will likely prevent the psycho...

 I'm not really sure what to write... But I want to get into the habit of Writing once a week on Sunday Mornings. Katie is currently at work. She had me run some errands for her this morning. It's about 12:32pm now... and I'm kinda putting off laundry. I have tomorrow off... So there is no immediate rush to get it done, however the issue is that I need clean clothes for when I return to the office on Tuesday. The work from home policy has changed now that the Covid Wave in Rhode Island has been reduced greatly. I think that's because Nearly the whole state caught it... regardless of Vaccination status. I'm vaxxed and Boosted and I still managed to get it.  Katie wants to me try Cigarette alternatives such as Snus. I figure its a step in the right direction. I wont die of lung cancer... And if I play my cards right I can slowly ween down on the pouches until I don't need them. I would say I should be nicotine free by the end of March. Speaking of the end of march...

 The weather had been nice this past week. It motivated me to get outside more. During my working hours I took two breaks or so to get out of the house and walk around the building. This made me feel better throughout the day. And Thursday and Friday of this past week Katie and I had gone walking on my Lunch break. Not really anywhere super far. But it assisted with keeping me in a positive mood for the rest of the day. Yesterday Katie and I went for a walk down at Goddard Park. It was about a mile and a half through some woods and i enjoyed it. It was a great first start to getting more active. Earlier today Katie suggested we go to the gym tonight. I hope that we do actually make it there. I would like to start the week on a good note.  At 10:42am i put on a nicotine patch and threw away the last of my cigarettes. I'm planning on this being a successful attempt at quitting smoking. I need to buy one more box of Nicotine Step one patches, But i am not going to do that until I...

 It's tough at the moment for me. I have a series of Intrusive Thoughts which enter my head on a daily basis. These thoughts are mainly from other voices which are calling me some rather bad things. Things you wouldn't want to be associated with in everyday life.  It makes it hard for me to maintain a positive attitude a lot of the time. These thoughts are not something I wish to be associated with. And what's worse... is that twice now the thoughts have manifested into reality in the sense that someone i know will point blank ask me if i am what my internal voices accuse me to be. Needless to say I am having issues with it. In the last few days I've become increasingly agitated.  While i know i have resources available that can assist me with this type of issue... The fact that i cant get my thoughts under control is something i am not happy about. For instance after a burst of energy this morning i became increasingly upset. Even now i feel frustrated with no probable...

 Katie is at work this morning. I Drove her in around 5:30am this morning. Not exactly my happiest time in the morning.. But I wanted to get her there early incase there were any issues with the road conditions. I still have to dig out my car from all the snow. I'd say where i live got 16 or so inches of snow from the blizzard yesterday. In about an hour I am going to be taking my Network+ Exam. I had finished the book yesterday so I wanted to take the exam as quickly as possible so i continue to retain the information. While the exam is not a requirement of my job, I feel it will make me more Marketable to other employers. Once i successfully pass the network +... i will be shifting my focus to the MD-101 Exam from microsoft. 

 The New Year is off to a good start so far. Due to Covid 19 running rampant in Rhode Island, I have been given the ability to work from home for the time being. This is good on two levels. First, I wont have to worry about catching Covid from someone at the office. And also I wont have to put as much wear and tear on my car throughout the winter. I am looking at this as sort of a trail period for if I even go permanently remote. I feel that after 18 years in the IT industry. This is my natural evolution. Some things that will change with not having to drive back and forth to work every day include a later wake up time. I am going to be shooting for 7:15am rather than 6:45am like I had been doing. I will have enough time to shower ever morning without having to skip it because I got up to late. I'll now be able to exercise a little during my lunch break rather than spending the good part of an hour driving to and from the house. I wont be tempted to buy cigarettes on either my driv...