I find it funny...

 I find it funny that im starting to fall into depression. Considering the fact that i have plenty to be feeling good about... I find im struggling in a lot of areas right now. I know that as i get into a good daily routine things will get better. I've only been living in my new apartment for 2 weeks now. And while im out of the toxic situation that i was living in previously... im still dealing with the Hateful and destructive shit that got pumped into my head over the last month and a half. While I cant put much stock in the things my old roommate said... it still had an effect on me. It further damaged my self esteem and self confidence. Being called your shit by someone that has an addiction problem and largely had no value for life... really made me feel like less than human.

In the end... im better off no longer in that situation. Between the neighborhood antics... to living with angry abusive destructive alcoholic.... It made to much sense to move. I find some bit of sadness living in such a nice apartment... with someone that cares for me so much... because my head isnt in it right now. I am not seeing the joy thats going to be happening in the months to come. Instead i see the fact that im struggling to work... that my daily routine still has gaps in it... that my income stream isnt going to be as good in a couple of months and as a result of that i have worries and anxieties as to where the money is going to come from. Slow progress.... slow and steady progress. thats all  i need right now. But i dont just need it from myself... i need it from those around me. 

What i need now... is hope. Because if i just rely on faith... im shit out of luck.


Maybe something will break. Im still waiting for an epiphany Maybe it will come soon

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