T.A. Michaels

Its interesting right. I dont know if its that i moved into the wrong part of town... or if the town changed because i moved in. Everything i've been seeing about my section of the city doesnt at all seem sustainable. Really. If this is how things have always have been... How has it been allowed to go on for so long. Fireworks until 2 in the morning... Parties every night. Loud music every day. I dont get it. Is it that these people dont work therefor dont care? Or is it that no one is enforcing the laws in the area. That leads me to think that we are in total anarchy. I wonder if its like this in every major city. Where the citizens of the streets dictate how everything goes. I question if moving down the street by a quarter mile would have any impact on my quality of life. I question how everyone gets a long and there isnt massive riots in the street. personally im a bit fed up with it all. I cant stand the constant noise. First off i have a hard time determining if its real or n...

I dont know if it's the medication... or some other thing which has taken over... but lately i havent really been in the mood to get out of bed. I am wondering what i can do to break through this type of depression and move towards being motivated and happy again. Im not saying that im unable to function... what i am saying is that for the past few months my mind has revolved around how i am going to accomplish everything that i want to accomplish... and typically at the end of the day the todo pile looks just the same as it did when i woke up in the morning. I am getting to the point where i am questioning a lot of things about my current mental health. I know that by abstaining from alcohol i feel better... the paranoid feelings dont hit as hard and i am 10 times more likely to remember to take my pills every morning and night provided i dont drink alcohol. On days where i miss my morning or evening pills i find that i have mild anxiety and paranoid symptoms for a few days after ...

I had a rather shitty nights sleep last night. I don't think I got to sleep until after 3:00am... and I kept waking up every hour. Each time I woke up I remembered having a very vivid dream. One dream I had was about my girlfriend getting married to someone other than me. Another dream I had was about my old place of employment hiring me back on full time and giving me a second chance. Another dream I had was about being in an office building which was about to collapse. I'm the type of guy that looks into dreams. Hoping they can provide some meaning... I've heard before that dreams are ones way of processing information and can result from hidden insecurities. I think that the dreams I had last night were trying to tell me something but what I have no idea. There was a time period where I went years without dreaming. Then when I did have a dream I would get so hung up on it that to this day... some of the dreams I had 12 years ago are still in my head.  In other news... it...

Over the past few days my symptoms have been unusual. What I once thought was background noise reacting to my thoughts... now appears to be actual people reacting to my thoughts. When I am having chaotic thoughts there are people around which are just out of sight at the time they are speaking... but they are responding to the conversations me and my roommates are having as well as responding to my thoughts.  The most intrusive of these thoughts is when I hear someone who is far away (for instance my sister) chime in. It's hard to determine if there is some psychic link which is teaming up our brains... or if its an auditory hallucination which is causing the noises. It becomes disruptive most because it distracts me away from the present. Almost as if my narrative is attempting to say something along the JC/AC Path which is entirely unrealistic. I blame Christianity for ever putting that book in the damn bible.  At present... I am still trying to get into a good routine. I've...

So... I've lived in this new place for about a month now. My roommate finally moved in on May 31st. I now have health insurance as of yesterday. I have a doctors appointment today at 11:10 am. Things feel like they are finally starting to fall into place and I can start working on my mental health. I am hoping my appointment today goes well. I want to work on finding the right medication for me. Now that I have health insurance I can afford better medication.  I am also working on studying for my AZ-900 exam. Its the first in the Microsoft Azure Cloud certifications. Here's to a good 12 months.