T.A. Michaels

I'm still dealing with a bit of paranoid delusions. It seems every where I go I hear music or someone talking about me. I never "see" them talking... I just hear it. It makes it tough to make eye contact anymore. I don't seem to have the problem in one on one sessions however there was an instance two days ago where someone said "I would have if you weren't seeing someone" Meanwhile I did say a word before or after I heard it. I also wasn't making direct eye contact when I heard it. it was in a one on one session so its hard to determine if it was something that actually happened.. or if its just a miss wiring in my braid which triggered an external auditor hallucination.  My health insurance starts June 1st... So I am hoping that with that I can finally start looking at alternate medication. I have been on the risperidone since the end of the year and it seems like i'm sitting around 40% of my mental sanity. I am hoping that I can work with my d...

After seeing a friend recently use Amazon Publishing for a book he wrote... I have decided that I am going to do the same thing and write a book on my experience in the IT Industry. I was in the IT Industry for over 16 years prior to my going out on Disability and I feel that the information I have contained inside me can be helpful for those that are just entering the field. I Am going to start working on an outline today... and hopefully will have it written in the next few months.  That's all for today. -T.A. Michaels

While my roommate hasn't yet moved in, I do have some positive new to report. It seems like my noisy downstairs neighbors are no longer blasting music. It sucked for a few days as they had there sound system up very loud. At the request of my girlfriend... rather than confronting them about it... I contacted my landlord and he seemed to take care of the matter. The upstairs neighbors I cant really do anything about their noise. The issue is they have two little kids and while they run around their apartment and bang on the floor when they are doing it... they're kids... so I can forgive that. But I couple of guys living below me being ignorant of how loud there sound system is... that's something I can do something about.  Sorry I killed the party guys... In other news... Ash and Matcha are doing well. They appear to be adjusting to life with me. We took them to the vet the other day and found out they have ear mites... and that they might have worms. We gave them one treat...

Normally for Mothers day I take my mom to one of the coastal cities and we get lunch at a restaurant. This year I didn't have that option due to all the restaurants being closed. Instead I took her out to get lunch (She paid)… and then brought her to go meet my kittens. It wasn't exactly a long day together... or the most fancy... but she had a good time none the less. The last thing she said to me was a bit troublesome though... She said it was better than last year. I cant for the life of me remember what we did last year for mothers day. I know it was a departure from the usual tradition... but i'm having a memory lapse on exactly what we did. I know that on May 3rd of last year in a paranoid delusion I quit my job thinking that my coworkers were going to kill me and my family. So given that Mothers day is the first or second weekend in may I cannot assume that my condition on that day was in great shape. Last year around this time I was in much worse shape than I am tod...

On this cold day in New England... I've found that my symptoms from the beginning of moving in have started to diminish. The initial stress of moving has worn off a little bit and as a result I am finally getting adjusted to my environment. The auditor hallucinations which were so strong the first night have subsided. Last night was the first good night of sleep I've had since moving in. I woke up around 6:00am this morning and laid in bed until about 8. At that time I ended up going to get breakfast and then coming home to clean up. I'm taking a very brief break. I think that in order to maintain some structure in my life I need to have a list of daily chores that I can accomplish. If I do these things every day it would take a little under an hour to complete... so the goal would be to do them every day. Today I need to go to Walmart to buy some towels. I only have two and I feel like I should have at least a few more to cover me throughout an entire week. The other opt...

I'm finding that my mood has been swinging from sad to angry for no reason. Generally I'd say I should be happy given my circumstances.. But I feel deep down as if this was all rushed upon me and I'm a bit upset about it. The only one that rushed things was myself. So I'm mad at myself for being impulsive and making decisions that were geared towards immediate gratification rather than looking at the potential long term effects of my decisions. I'm sad about the fact that I cant really undo what I've done. Not to say that I would if I could... If I didn't move last week I wouldn't have been able to take in the two kittens... if I couldn't take in the two kittens they probably would have died of exposure by now. It's somewhat weird to think that a week ago I was living with my parents... and now im living on my own. This isn't the first time I lived on my own. from 20-22.... 26-27... 30-33... Each one had a lesson tied to it. It's not th...

Today I signed up for healthcare. Based on the tax credit its not to expensive for me to afford. Roughly $70 a month for Health and Dental. The plus side of this is that I have a $5 copay for all my office visits with my Medication manager. Considering the fact that at one point I was paying $125 dollars for each visit its a good thing. I can also now look into getting a therapist for some of my trust and abandonment issues. I had been seeing one last October but had to stop when I lost coverage. I've been a little stressed lately with everything that's going on. Last night it sounded like someone was walking up and down the back stairs which only seemed to happen when I was alone in the house. When my girlfriend came over the noise stopped. I'm not sure if it was real or not. The downstairs neighbors had a cinco de mayo party which lasted until midnight. I'm not up for meeting the neighbors yet considering everything I was hearing. Whether it was real or not i'm no...

Two days ago my girlfriend found out that there were three kittens in her friends yard that appeared to have been abandoned by their mother. She had planned on going Friday to check on the kittens and take them home providing they were in good health and didn't look sick. Overnight one of the kittens had died so we went to her friends house to pick up the kittens. One is grey with a white patch and the other looks like a Mainecoon mix. My girlfriend isn't allowed to have cats at her apartment because her roommate is allergic... and her friend couldn't keep the them... So I now I two super tiny kittens. I was worried originally when my girlfriend said she wanted a cat because in the state that i'm in I don't know if I am stable enough to care for another life form. Now I have two life forms to take care of. They're cute though... Ones a poof ball. They are both Male and they are named Macha (Poof) and Ash. Last night was a little tough because it was their firs...

So, as of the first of May I have moved into a new apartment. My best friend jumped on the idea when I made mention that I wanted to get a one or two bedroom apartment and he indicated to me that he was willing to be my roommate. My first choice would have been to move into a place with my girlfriend as her lease is going to be up in June, but her and her roommate had discussed options and she decided to stay for another year. The two bedroom I am currently living in has green walls in every room except the kitchen. It seems like it needed to have been off market for another month as there was furniture still in the apartment when he handed us the keys. While its not the worst thing in the world to get a free chair and fake fireplace... I could have done without all the dirt and dust that's in the apartment. Over the last two days I had moved in most of my furniture and clothes into the place. It's located on the second floor of a four floor house. My upstairs neighbors have ...