Recent Developments and Symptom Update
Over the past few days I've had a few recent developments. An old friend of mine was looking for assistance around his yard and offered me a couple of hours to do some landscaping. Currently waiting on Disability I figured why not. The work isn't all that great. Most of it has been raking leaves and picking up sticks around his 1 acre of land. He's got about a months worth of work between reseeding.. pulling up moss... and getting his yard in shape for the summer so while I am out of work at this time awaiting a decision for disability... this gives me something to do so that way I'm not stuck in the house the whole time. Also, a friend of mine that offered me a position at his company back in February / March is still looking to hire me. I would take him up on the offer if its a guaranteed position... the only thing is I had a paranoid episode at Lowes yesterday and I am still not sure if I am ready to return to the workforce.
At Lowes, i felt as if people were talking about me and it was causing me a lot of anxiety. I found it suprising because I hadn't really been in many public settings in the last month and I didn't really expect it to occur walking in the store. From the way I dressed to the way the cashier seemed to be mad at me for no reason I found it odd the things I was experiencing. These were things that had been strong over the winter but started to fade away with the changing of the season. I'm a little disappointed that walking into a public setting caused me to experience symptoms all over again. It could be that I had never been in that particular store and as a result... it caused my symptoms to flare up. This type of thing is what has me nervous to take my friend up on his offer of working for him because I fear that if there were ever a situation which I wasn't sure was real I would freak out and that would look badly for my friend, not just me. Him being a manager at the business, he would be staking his reputation in order to get me a job there and I would need to be able to perform well in order for his managers to thing that hiring me was a good idea. I'm curious what I should do. The person the social security office that I talked to told me that I could be as long as 7 to 8 months before a decision is reached on my case and in the event my claim is not favorable I would rather be working during the wait rather than holding out on the good graces of others until a decision is reached. I question if working for a company over a period of a few months rather than a few weeks would put me in a situation where the symptoms would eventually die down after a while. Basically saying that once the first week stressors are over and done with my mind will eventually get better.
The yard work is helpful because there really is no one else around me while I am doing the work so i cant really have any interference from anyone... save a few puppies that want attention. I think though that if I want to get an apartment rather than bouncing between my parents and my girlfriends... I need to get a job sooner than later. I have already been told what my salary will be if I work for my friend... And it is enough to live off of and get an apartment with so I think its my best move at this point. My Temporary disability is going to be running up soon so I need to get my ass in gear otherwise I am going to run out of cash before being able to do anything else. I am sitting on a little bit in the bank but I was saving that for when things become rather dire. The few bucks my friend is throwing me to do yard work is enough for every day expenses... but its not enough to live off of in the long term. I need a job.. with insurance... and the other benefits that come along with having a career. One of the good things about getting a job at my friends company though is that he will not expect me to be at 100% at day one because he is understanding of my situation.
That's all for now,
-T.A. Michaels
At Lowes, i felt as if people were talking about me and it was causing me a lot of anxiety. I found it suprising because I hadn't really been in many public settings in the last month and I didn't really expect it to occur walking in the store. From the way I dressed to the way the cashier seemed to be mad at me for no reason I found it odd the things I was experiencing. These were things that had been strong over the winter but started to fade away with the changing of the season. I'm a little disappointed that walking into a public setting caused me to experience symptoms all over again. It could be that I had never been in that particular store and as a result... it caused my symptoms to flare up. This type of thing is what has me nervous to take my friend up on his offer of working for him because I fear that if there were ever a situation which I wasn't sure was real I would freak out and that would look badly for my friend, not just me. Him being a manager at the business, he would be staking his reputation in order to get me a job there and I would need to be able to perform well in order for his managers to thing that hiring me was a good idea. I'm curious what I should do. The person the social security office that I talked to told me that I could be as long as 7 to 8 months before a decision is reached on my case and in the event my claim is not favorable I would rather be working during the wait rather than holding out on the good graces of others until a decision is reached. I question if working for a company over a period of a few months rather than a few weeks would put me in a situation where the symptoms would eventually die down after a while. Basically saying that once the first week stressors are over and done with my mind will eventually get better.
The yard work is helpful because there really is no one else around me while I am doing the work so i cant really have any interference from anyone... save a few puppies that want attention. I think though that if I want to get an apartment rather than bouncing between my parents and my girlfriends... I need to get a job sooner than later. I have already been told what my salary will be if I work for my friend... And it is enough to live off of and get an apartment with so I think its my best move at this point. My Temporary disability is going to be running up soon so I need to get my ass in gear otherwise I am going to run out of cash before being able to do anything else. I am sitting on a little bit in the bank but I was saving that for when things become rather dire. The few bucks my friend is throwing me to do yard work is enough for every day expenses... but its not enough to live off of in the long term. I need a job.. with insurance... and the other benefits that come along with having a career. One of the good things about getting a job at my friends company though is that he will not expect me to be at 100% at day one because he is understanding of my situation.
That's all for now,
-T.A. Michaels
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