T.A. Michaels

I have a lot to be thankful for these days. Spending time with my girlfriend while she has been on vacation has been really fun. We have been watching a lot of movies as well as binge watching the office. I never really got into the series when it was on TV but having the ability to watch the episodes back to back is awesome. I haven't been as active as i would have liked during her vacation. I was hoping that we would get out every day to go walking or that at the least i would have gotten into my exercise routine by now. I'm not saying that it is a bad thing... but it's something that i would have liked to have gotten started with. With that said... there's only been two days where it wasnt raining and cloudy. On the nice days, we did make a push to get outside. With all that said. I'm happy. My symptoms are low. With the exception of "Cop" coming up occasionally i think the additional medication is helping. There are some side effects while i'll g...

I am worried about my increase in weight. At last check I was at 236.4 which is the highest I've weighed since 2016. What I need to start doing is eating a bit healthier. I'm in the process of working on an exercise routine that can be done in house and be done every day... So now the trick is to change my diet so that I can start to lose weight. My girlfriend is currently on vacation for the next 7 days... And she is a pescatarian so I am planning that we cook home cooked meals while she is on vacation rather than getting fast food as per our usual routine. I feel that a week of cooking will help jump start the process of getting us to eat home more rather than less. I am making a shopping list of things to buy this week at the market. So here's hoping I come up with some good ideas. That's all for today, -T.A. Michaels

This morning I got back from my girlfriend's house around 7am. When I got home I started cleanup around the house. Cleaned up my room... Made the bed... Got laundry ready to go... made the trash... and cleaned up my desk. I've got about a half hour until I am going to bring my mom to her doctors appointment. Then after the appointment I don't really have anything on my agenda for the day. My girlfriend gets out of work at 4:00 PM Today and when she gets out she is coming down to my house. I may do laundry when I get back to the house. I don't have a lot to do... but I have enough to cover one load. I'm also planning on cleaning out the back of my trunk. I have a lot of trash and clothing which has been building up over the winter. Cleaning that out is not a priority right now. But with that said... it would be nice to have a clean trunk again. Depends on the weather I guess. My symptoms appear to be getting better in terms of how I feel with internal chatter. With...

So... Yesterday I made it a point to get 10,000 steps in throughout the day. This included a 2.25 Mile walk with one of my friends around a lake in the area. Then once my girlfriend got out of work at 6:00pm her and I went for another 1.5 mile walk on a walking path near her house. Today... I loaded up my bike onto the back of my car and did a 7 mile bike ride on one of the bike paths in my area. Total time was about 45 minutes to complete. I burned about 300 calories. My mental health right now is good. I wont say it's great... with the Corona virus closing virtually every business in the area it's hard for me to tell if the paranoid feeling is still there because I'm not out in public. What I can tell is that when I went to get gas this morning I didn't have the feeling that the cameras were secretly being monitored by the government in an attempt to track my whereabouts. That had been a common feeling I had with everything because we live in the age of surveillance...

I've been hearing a lot of internal chatter today coming from an unknown source. While external voices has been at a low in the last couple of days I found that internal voices are screaming at me telling me that I'm making the wrong moves in life. While I find this very unpleasant I am trying to not put any stock into what the voices are saying and "going with the flow" of things. Best not to wake a sleeping giant in the event I am over reacting to the situations. I had a new idea which I am going to run by a few people to see if any of them are interested. I am not sure what the result would be but I think it would be worth a shot. My girlfriend is getting out of work right around now and heading to my house soon so I cleaned the place up a bit. I'm hoping that we have a relaxing evening together but time will ultimately tell. That's all for now -T.A. Michaels

Last night I missed my medication. Not on purpose. My girlfriend and I had gotten a room at a bed and breakfast to celebrate her birthday. After getting out of the jacuzzi I felt really unwell. As a result we decided to take an hour nap afterwards. I found that when I woke up after the hour was over I was dripping in sweet and I was having a hard time remaining awake. I ended up nodding in an out of consciousness for a couple of hours while she was left alone and afraid. Afraid of everything that was going on in the world... and afraid of the bumps and creeks in the old Victorian style B&B. I missed my medication which lead to me waking up several times throughout the night... I woke up before dawn finally and watched the sun rise. Around 7:30am I got up and got dressed to go have a cigarette (Still having trouble quitting). When I came back into the room I started running a bath for her and woke her up. She decided she just wanted to go home. We are now back at my place and she...

I had an appointment with my doctor this past Wednesday. He advised me to apply for Social Security due to my current mental state. He stated that it would be best because it was give us more time in order to figure out the proper medication that I will need rather than trying to rush things while I am on Temporary Disability. This comes as somewhat hard news for me because I am trying to figure out how to adjust my life. Social Security will not be a lot of money... But I will qualify for benefits which should allow me to have health care again seeing as I haven't had any since getting laid off back in October. Paying for every medication and Doctor visit at full price hasn't been easy. In fact it hasn't been good at all. Some weeks I've been left in the red due to the cost of the medication. I have recently switched pharmacies due to this because Walmart has my drugs at a much lower cost than CVS when it comes to paying for them without health insurance. I have been u...

My WIAG (Wildly Incredible Ambitious Goal) for the coming year is to quit smoking cigarettes for good. Tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday. One of my gifts to her is going to be to quit smoking cigarettes. I feel that it would be something important for the two of us because she wants me to live a long time. By continuing to smoke cigarettes I know that its entirely possible that I may shorten my life in such a way that it becomes painful towards the end of my life. I could have several health problems as a result that run in my family and I would not want to bring that on anyone else. I feel that it is selfish for me to continue to smoke because even though it is a highly addictive substance, It does not take into account what other people in my life would want for me. Today is my last day smoking. I am not buying another pack of cigarettes and when I decide the time is right today I am going to put on a nicotine patch. The concept of having fresher breath. Not smelling like smok...

This past weekend had it's mix of ups and downs. Overall today I feel like I am in a positive mood. I found out that the job I thought I was going to have an interview with may fall through. It's kinda sad because I was ready to get back to work and give things another try but that doesn't seem to be in the cards according to my friend who works there. My sleep schedule was a little messed up on Saturday night. Between changing the clocks... and cat sitting for a friend. I didn't get much sleep. There was an emergency situation which popped up Saturday evening which I needed to help out with. I wont get into details but it put my emotions on high alert. Internal chatter has been low this weekend. My thoughts in my head being mostly only my thoughts and not having any intrusive chatter. I think the medication change is finally starting to take effect. External Voices still seem to be a problem in public spaces. But one thing at a time. That's all for today, -T....

One of the hardest part about having a mental health issue is having a happy stable relationship. The reason for this is pretty simple. While on the outside everything may look fine and dandy. On the inside, one or both people involved in the relationship is dealing with internal issues that they are trying desperately to keep under control so that it doesn't effect the relationship. There are two questions that come to mind when it comes to relationships. 1.) At what point in the dating game do you open up to the person you are dating regarding your mental health condition? 2.) Is it worth being open and honest about everything that is going through ones mind even if the possible repercussions of the honesty will cause friction or tension in the relationship? To answer question one... I will start from personal experience. In general, I have always been honest about my mental health condition. To friends, strangers, and potential relationship partners. I had several relation...

So I applied for a job this week and have heard back from the hiring manager about a possible job interview. He is supposed to be getting back to me today on the details of when an interview may be scheduled. I am hoping that it is sooner than later because I don't know how much longer I have on disability and I would prefer to get into a job before it runs out. In other news, my symptoms are lower than expected over the last twenty four hours. While I did have a situation yesterday where I felt like people were talking about me... I realized that the people that were talking were people I had never met before and that the likelihood of them knowing anything about me was slim to none. It could be that they knew someone else with the same name who has a similar background. I have been trying to find the trigger for my symptoms... if there is one defining thing that brings them out it would be good to know, right? That's all for now, -T.A. Michaels

So, for the last 24 hours or so my symptoms have been light. I think this has to do with the medication having a better effect on my mental health. The internal voices are lower than they had been and while external voices are still existent, I feel that I am getting a better handle on tuning them out. Last night when my girlfriend got out of work, we went for a walk down a path near her house. We did about 2 miles on the walk as the weather was nicer than expected for the beginning of March. Afterwards we cooked dinner at her house where I ended up spending the night. We usually switch off nights between her house and my house. I was surprised because I only woke up once during the night and it was to use the bathroom. I had found that for the last week or so I had been waking up 3-4 times throughout the night. I don't know if it's a side effect of the medication or if it is just a restless sleep. I am hoping that by the end of next week I am sleeping soundly throughout the ...