An Introduction
Hello There,
I go by the pen name T.A. Michaels. I am a 34 Male and I have experienced mental health issues since I was 16 years old. At an early age, I was prone to constant worry and anxiety which left untreated turned into bi-polar depression. Due to circumstances I was involved in during my late teens and early twenties, at the age of 22 I suffered a nervous breakdown and started hearing voices. I was hospitalized twice in 2008 for paranoid delusions involving the government and also heard voices that were no existent, both internal and external. I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder.
Schizoaffective Disorder is a combination of the delusions and hallucinations of Schizophrenia and the mood related symptoms of Bi-Polar Disorder. Over the past 12 years, I have had multiple ups and downs due to the disorder. I am starting this blog as a way of assisting others with knowing more about one of the most severe types of mental illness. I am considered high functioning as when I am on my medication I am able to maintain a job, relationship, friendships, and hobbies without much difficulty.
In 2016, I had switched doctors from someone I knew and trusted to a new doctor because I was moving from one end of my state to the other. I had been slowly getting better with my anxiety as going out in public and interacting with strangers was slowly becoming easier as I introduced myself to new situations. When I saw the new doctor, I explained to her my diagnosis and said that she suggested that I go for a psych evaluation which would likely not be covered by my insurance. The total cost of which was going to be around $3000 out of pocket. She said if I didn't wish to do the evaluation then I should just trust her judgement as she believed that I was not Schizoaffective. For a short time I did believe her. I weened myself off my anti-psychotic medication and within one and a half months of stopping the medication I started hearing a running conversation in my head. It involved the voices of friends, family members, and even the president of the United States. The only time the voices seemed to stop was when I was in the company of people that I loved and trusted but the moment I stopped seeing them the voices would come back. I started pushing harder at my job because I felt that if I people saw that I was having difficulty and that my confidence in my abilities was starting to diminish then I would likely lose my job. By June of 2017 I was hospitalized at a local psychiatric hospital in order to deal with my growing issue. I was there for about a week. I had an unusual experience one night when the person in the room with me literally seemed to be speaking to me when I was thinking in my head.
After getting out of the hospital, I was given a prescription for an anti-psychotic medication and was given an appointment at a local mental health office in order to continue treatment. I had a case manager which I would see every week and a psychiatrist which I would see every few months. Even after getting out of the hospital and being put on medication, the running conversation was still on going. When I was in public locations I felt as if every person that walked by knew my inner most thoughts and feelings, as if there were some hidden website on the internet specifically designed to hurt me with all my secrets, and everything I had ever done in my life on display for the whole city to see. It was very confusing and scary.
After leaving the mental health office, I got a Nurse Practitioner at a private office who recommend increasing the medication as I shouldn't have to suffer like this. I had already lost my job last May due to increased paranoid delusions that my coworkers were going to hurt me and my family. I had a job briefly over the summer which was going ok, but another firm wanted me so I left for that job. There was a lot of onsite work involved in that job and it seemed like each new place I went to had its own set of issues in terms of how it effected my mental health. I ultimately left at the recommendation of my doctor and went to Temporary disability. I haven't been able to hold down a job since due to my symptoms.
At this time I feel like I am in the recovery stage after recent mental trauma. I need to give my brain a chance to heal before I can reenter the workforce again. I am working with my doctor to determine the correct medications in order to reduce or eliminate my symptoms. My Friends, Girlfriend, and Family are all supportive of me through this transitional time in my life.
The purpose of this blog is to talk about some of my experiences. Usually during moments of delusion and hallucination the mind comes up with some rather unusual justifications for why the sky is green rather than blue, metaphorically speaking. My minds attempts at justifying some of the things that it has experienced range from somewhat plausible to down right insane. I plan on posting articles two to three times a week, with at least once a week being a summary of the symptoms I have experiences during the previous week, as well as goals for the coming week. I plan on also posting about recent medical news and advances in mental illness treatment as well as tips and tricks I have learned over the years for dealing with any type of mental illness, not just Schizoaffective disorder. As a disclaimer I will let you know that I am not a mental health provider, I am an IT Professional.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you in the future
- T.A. Michaels
I go by the pen name T.A. Michaels. I am a 34 Male and I have experienced mental health issues since I was 16 years old. At an early age, I was prone to constant worry and anxiety which left untreated turned into bi-polar depression. Due to circumstances I was involved in during my late teens and early twenties, at the age of 22 I suffered a nervous breakdown and started hearing voices. I was hospitalized twice in 2008 for paranoid delusions involving the government and also heard voices that were no existent, both internal and external. I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder.
Schizoaffective Disorder is a combination of the delusions and hallucinations of Schizophrenia and the mood related symptoms of Bi-Polar Disorder. Over the past 12 years, I have had multiple ups and downs due to the disorder. I am starting this blog as a way of assisting others with knowing more about one of the most severe types of mental illness. I am considered high functioning as when I am on my medication I am able to maintain a job, relationship, friendships, and hobbies without much difficulty.
In 2016, I had switched doctors from someone I knew and trusted to a new doctor because I was moving from one end of my state to the other. I had been slowly getting better with my anxiety as going out in public and interacting with strangers was slowly becoming easier as I introduced myself to new situations. When I saw the new doctor, I explained to her my diagnosis and said that she suggested that I go for a psych evaluation which would likely not be covered by my insurance. The total cost of which was going to be around $3000 out of pocket. She said if I didn't wish to do the evaluation then I should just trust her judgement as she believed that I was not Schizoaffective. For a short time I did believe her. I weened myself off my anti-psychotic medication and within one and a half months of stopping the medication I started hearing a running conversation in my head. It involved the voices of friends, family members, and even the president of the United States. The only time the voices seemed to stop was when I was in the company of people that I loved and trusted but the moment I stopped seeing them the voices would come back. I started pushing harder at my job because I felt that if I people saw that I was having difficulty and that my confidence in my abilities was starting to diminish then I would likely lose my job. By June of 2017 I was hospitalized at a local psychiatric hospital in order to deal with my growing issue. I was there for about a week. I had an unusual experience one night when the person in the room with me literally seemed to be speaking to me when I was thinking in my head.
After getting out of the hospital, I was given a prescription for an anti-psychotic medication and was given an appointment at a local mental health office in order to continue treatment. I had a case manager which I would see every week and a psychiatrist which I would see every few months. Even after getting out of the hospital and being put on medication, the running conversation was still on going. When I was in public locations I felt as if every person that walked by knew my inner most thoughts and feelings, as if there were some hidden website on the internet specifically designed to hurt me with all my secrets, and everything I had ever done in my life on display for the whole city to see. It was very confusing and scary.
After leaving the mental health office, I got a Nurse Practitioner at a private office who recommend increasing the medication as I shouldn't have to suffer like this. I had already lost my job last May due to increased paranoid delusions that my coworkers were going to hurt me and my family. I had a job briefly over the summer which was going ok, but another firm wanted me so I left for that job. There was a lot of onsite work involved in that job and it seemed like each new place I went to had its own set of issues in terms of how it effected my mental health. I ultimately left at the recommendation of my doctor and went to Temporary disability. I haven't been able to hold down a job since due to my symptoms.
At this time I feel like I am in the recovery stage after recent mental trauma. I need to give my brain a chance to heal before I can reenter the workforce again. I am working with my doctor to determine the correct medications in order to reduce or eliminate my symptoms. My Friends, Girlfriend, and Family are all supportive of me through this transitional time in my life.
The purpose of this blog is to talk about some of my experiences. Usually during moments of delusion and hallucination the mind comes up with some rather unusual justifications for why the sky is green rather than blue, metaphorically speaking. My minds attempts at justifying some of the things that it has experienced range from somewhat plausible to down right insane. I plan on posting articles two to three times a week, with at least once a week being a summary of the symptoms I have experiences during the previous week, as well as goals for the coming week. I plan on also posting about recent medical news and advances in mental illness treatment as well as tips and tricks I have learned over the years for dealing with any type of mental illness, not just Schizoaffective disorder. As a disclaimer I will let you know that I am not a mental health provider, I am an IT Professional.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you in the future
- T.A. Michaels
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